my car crash of a day | undefinedlabelessstrangechick's Blog

today started out great i got to spend time with my brother,which i haven't been able to for years,but we ran/walked up and down my really long street,then when we got home,he had a surprise for me. he had hung up the old punching bag,so he wrapped my hands with athletic tape,then his own.he sowed me some basics,and i wuz having fun,then we came inside,and mom looked like she wuz tired as hell so we gave her no trouble and took out the dogs.
pretty good day so far,until....
about 20 minutes later i wuz up in my room,putting some final touches on some stuff on my walls,when i heard yelling. so i turned off the movie i wuz watching,i put down my paintbrush and slowly walked down the hall.
i heard my brother yelling,and my mom's voice was strained. after they stopped fighting i went down the stairs and walked into the den where my mom was. i asked why that had been fighting(i only heard yelling,i couldn't understand any words) she said "it was not a fight,i am not your brother's peer,he never appreciates what i do,i try to help him and he'd rather do something illegal..."then she started crying, i just silently went into the kitchen and grabed a protein bar,and went up stairs and thought to myself"just like old times"i started crying and couldn't stop. i barely kept the protein bar down,i feel like going back to the old days at least then i had dad,and a little more happiness than sadness. i always feel stupid after stuff like this happens and i want to disapear,thinking"maybe if my brother had been the only one my mother had to raise,then they might not fight,if mom and dad had given more attention to skip(my brother) maybe he might be different and they wouldn't fight,and he would be in college",or i feel maybe i could stop the fights maybe i could help,but i feel so useless knowing i can't.
i wuz okay,we were in paradise,now everything has gone south and we are in antartica.