undefinedlabelessstrangechick's Blog

i think i'm falling fast and hard for my friend. she's sweet and funny,she writes awesome poetry nd gives great hugs. she understands my problems and some of my worst odd tendencies and feelings,i'm really crushing on here.

i feel your stare but you're not there

somewhere far away i was lost today

just like the hope i had

now it seems like a fad

to have hope in you

like i used to

a venting song,what do you think....


i feel happy and sad and i hate this yet i love it
nothing to do
can i buy a clue
this story is far from over but will there be a happily ever after
slaughter is laughter with an s added on
s as in the shit that they always talk
this bloodshed
river's run red
lets follow the men in the white coats
they have all the answers
then watch the suits
see their bank accounts bloat
watch the distractions
actors,singers and dancers
they are our entertainment
our source of joy
as we helplessly are made into toys
pawns of the government in this game
our souls have been sold
our bodies maimed
we are forever changed

my mind is ripped up

and my heart is broken

it's still bleeding

i'm surprised it's still beating

i sit alone in this place of false love

and i wonder what it is about

i look above

and i fill with doubt

there is nothing real

and nothing true

i try to feel

but i can't cause of you

a broken heart can be fixed

but will never heal up

time ticks by

and blood drips into the cup

i am damaged

you messed me up

today started out great i got to spend time with my brother,which i haven't been able to for years,but we ran/walked up and down my really long street,then when we got home,he had a surprise for me. he had hung up the old punching bag,so he wrapped my hands with athletic tape,then his own.he sowed me some basics,and i wuz having fun,then we came inside,and mom looked like she wuz tired as hell so we gave her no trouble and took out the dogs.
pretty good day so far,until....
about 20 minutes later i wuz up in my room,putting some final touches on some stuff on my walls,when i heard yelling. so i turned off the movie i wuz watching,i put down my paintbrush and slowly walked down the hall.
i heard my brother yelling,and my mom's voice was strained. after they stopped fighting i went down the stairs and walked into the den where my mom was. i asked why that had been fighting(i only heard yelling,i couldn't understand any words) she said "it was not a fight,i am not your brother's peer,he never appreciates what i do,i try to help him and he'd rather do something illegal..."then she started crying, i just silently went into the kitchen and grabed a protein bar,and went up stairs and thought to myself"just like old times"i started crying and couldn't stop. i barely kept the protein bar down,i feel like going back to the old days at least then i had dad,and a little more happiness than sadness. i always feel stupid after stuff like this happens and i want to disapear,thinking"maybe if my brother had been the only one my mother had to raise,then they might not fight,if mom and dad had given more attention to skip(my brother) maybe he might be different and they wouldn't fight,and he would be in college",or i feel maybe i could stop the fights maybe i could help,but i feel so useless knowing i can't.
i wuz okay,we were in paradise,now everything has gone south and we are in antartica.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yyapY97ugNk&NR=1

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6inwzOooXRU

enjoy

first love pushed me down and kicked me square in the heart. then it tormented me, showing up everywhere except my life. now love has given me another chance. love has given me the best guy in the entire world, i love him so much and he loves me. I love him more than air.i don't know if i could ask for anyone better than him. Thanks, love.

My mood: very amazed
 

bruised and beaten. for the millionth time. but atleat the f**kers got some bruises from me. at least this time i fought back. and next time, if there is one. they'll be the ones withblack eyes and fat lips

love can be a real problem. especially when you feel like you love someone and they either have no idea, love someone else, or both. why the fruck does love do this to us. are we supposed to be touwith our own emotions. i have a great copacity to love so it hurts even more. why am i to be battered,beaten, and left for dead by my emotions? WHY?

is anyone else a standout. some one who does what they want to do to be different.